How to Total Cars for Fun and Profit

Insurance is a wonderful thing…

This is a story.  And it’s longer than my usual post, so get comfy.  I may be stretching my own rules, but I swear, I’ll tie it back to databases… somehow! Let’s get started.

Back in December 2016, I was in an accident in my 2011 Mazda 3. Ironically, I was driving home from filling up with gas, plus I’d just had some maintenance done the month before. These things are ironic because the car was a total loss. “Totaled”, in layman’s terms. It means the damage was such that the insurance company would rather pay off the market value of the car, than pay for the repairs. Or, put another way, it means that the cost of repairs would be within nominal range of the vehicle’s value. Short version, I’m not getting the car back. Oh, and that gas fill-up and mechanic bill? Money down the drain.

I haz a bucket…

FYI, I was just fine – so the car and its safety-system did its job, protecting me from harm. Safety is an important part of choosing a car, kids… remember that.


Anyway, the car gets towed off to a local yard, I have a day or so to collect my possessions from it, and then they tow it somewhere else to the “salvage yard”, where it becomes somebody else’s property and problem. Insurance sends me the check for the value of the car. I was actually worried that it wouldn’t be enough to cover the loan balance, because I was still making payments AND I’d refinanced midway thru the original loan term, lowering the interest rate and payment but also extending the term. But, thankfully, the car’s value was above the loan’s balance, so I was able to fully pay it off and still pocket some cash.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have “loss of use coverage” on the policy – meaning, no free rental car. So I pay for it, for a little while. Fortunately, around the same time, my parents were getting ready to dump their old 2000 Honda Accord for a newer one, so we started talking and they offered to us as a gift. (Did I ever mention how awesome my parents are? They are!) Excellent.

Actually, this is the same car that I used to drive around in high school, so it’s got some memories.

Including, of all things, my very first accident! You’ll see why this is ironic in a few paragraphs.

Someone call Ms. Morissette…

Now, this car is what we call a “beater”. It’s 17 years old, it’s been through the wringer, it’s got 190k miles on it; but hey, it’s a freakin’ Honda. It’ll last another 50k at least, if maintained properly. And it has been – faithful oil changes, scheduled maintenance and beyond. But it’s not the safest vehicle on the road; the e-brake light comes on sporadically, and the airbag warning light is always on, so we don’t actually know if the airbags (particularly the passenger side) will work. So we need to start shopping for a new vehicle, at least for the wife.

I won’t go into car-shopping here, it’s a pain the arse unless you use courtesy buying services like those offered thru your credit-union or your some kind of “club membership” or whatever. Long story short, we got a 2017 Hyundai Elantra, in black, not brand-new but used with only 3k miles on it (apparently they had buyer’s remorse).

This is “Tigress”, or “Tigz” for short.

I will digress just for a second about black cars. They look pretty slick, even though they do show dirt a bit more than gray/silver (which is what the Mazda was). But you know what makes them look super-duper slick? Those “legacy” CA gold-on-black license plates. I convinced myself that I had to get those. Until I went to the DMV and found out that they’re $40 initially plus an extra $50/year on your registration fees. Jesus H… I get that they need to make money, but that’s ridiculous. Srsly. Ding the people that want those silly vanity plates, because I understand it adds a lot of processing/tracking overhead and makes the data (see? I told you I’d tie it back!) more complex. But this is the same old metal made by the same old prison inmates with a different coat of paint. Don’t pretend it actually costs anything extra for you to make them and pass them out. Anyway. Back to the story.

because it’s SOOO much harder to make black metal than white metal…

So we get the car, the wife’s driving it home. She’s heat-sensitive, and it’s been a pretty long, warm day. She ends up passing out for a second and veering off the road to the right shoulder, which is a small dirt embankment into some bushes and trees. Fortunately enough, she realizes what is happening and she’s able to bring the car to a gentle stop without actually hitting anything. So the car’s only real damage is some scrapes & bruises on the front end, a bit of scratching on the sides, and some dings to the under-carriage-panel. Now, me being the savvy consumer that I am, I’ve already added it to our insurance policy and added rental coverage. The new car goes into the shop before we’ve even had it a day, but we get a free rental while it’s there. (Ford Fusion – I like it alright, but the wife hates it; she has a bit of an anti-Ford bias.) Insurance covers about 1.5k damage for the bodywork, it gets done, we get it back in less than 2 weeks. Yay.

Alright, here’s where it gets fun interesting.

I don’t know why, but this is one of my favorite lines of his from this movie.

That was all back in December/January.

March rolls around, and I’m driving the Honda home from work. There’s a sudden pile-up of stopping cars in my lane and I can’t stop in time, so I run into the SUV in front of me. Fairly low speed, nobody panics, we pull over and start exchanging info and pictures. Now, my bumper is nearly detached, and my hood is quite scrunched in at the point of impact. This is because I hit his tow hitch, which stuck out from the rest of his rear body quite a bit. So even though he literally has a 1-inch scratch on his bumper, I’m looking at significant damage. But it seems mostly superficial, so I figure, well, I might not even need insurance, and he certainly doesn’t care enough to report it unless I do, so he leaves it up to me.

He helps me rope-up the bumper so it doesn’t fall off (he was such a nice guy, no joke!), and I start driving the rest of the way home. Quite a distance, mind you (I have a 60 mile total commute). After a little while, I start seeing smoke coming from under the hood. Fortunately it’s white, not black, so I know I’m not in terribly immediate danger. But I pull off to a gas station and take a look. Well, I can’t actually open the hood due to the scrunchy-ness, but I peer inside and see that there’s a significant bit of frame damage, and the radiator looks hurt. Sure enough, it would turn out that that was the biggest problem – the radiator (and compressor) would need to be replaced, and the frame around it needed repairing/re-welding.

Not quite…

This is not a small job. I take it to a body shop first, but as they look inside and see what I saw, they know that it’s beyond their scope, so they send me next-door to a full-service mechanic & repair shop. Next day, he gives me the estimate: $2.7k. Now, about this time, I’m talking with the insurance reps. I know they’re going to want to total this car – it’s KBB value is literally just over $2k, and these repairs are significantly more than that. What I was trying to ask them, and never got a straight answer, was whether we could file the claim for a lower amount, by asking for the mechanical repairs only. Remember, this car is a “beater”. We don’t really care how it looks, we just need it to run. And the shop was kind enough to provide that “bare-bones” estimate as well – only about $750.

You can see where the tow-hitch rammed thru the bumper/grill in towards the frame; the blue arrow points to the frame inside that got the brunt of it.

But then my insurance adjuster did two things that were very insightful & much appreciated.

I have to give a shout-out to Safeco here, because throughout all of this, they’ve been immensely helpful and easy to deal with. (Even though I mentioned not answering my question in the paragraph above, as you’ll see, that was really my own fault for not understanding the process, and it was a moot point anyway!) So if you’re in the market for a new insurance policy, definitely check ‘em out.

First, because this shop was not an official “authorized partner”, she couldn’t accept their estimates as gospel; but, she could offer this newer “pilot” program whereby any shop (or even the customer) could submit pictures of the vehicle and the damage, and, provided enough detail and the right angles, a 3rd party estimator could assess the damage and estimate the cost. Great!

Second, she heard me out as I explained the concern with totaling the car, and understood that I really wanted to keep the car after simply getting it mechanically sound. But, she clarified, because I had collision coverage on this car, they (the insurance company) literally “owed me” the full cost of those repairs or the vehicle value, whichever is lower. So in fact, I would be doing myself a disservice and actually losing money if I tried to simply file the claim for the lower “bare-bones” amount, just to avoid the total-loss.

Instead, she explained, what you can do is keep the vehicle, even after it’s been declared “totaled“.

There’s a process and paperwork to this, and it involves the DMV, obviously. But because the insurance policy will still pay me the value of the vehicle, I should have more than enough to get the minimum repairs done and pocket the rest. Yay!


Now, the process. The CA DMV has done a fairly decent job of documenting this, but it’s still unclear (at least to me) what the order of operations is. There are 5 things you need:

  1. Salvage title (which is different than the regular title, aka pinkslip)
    • DMV form REG 343, which you fill out yourself
  2. Salvage certificate
    • REG 488c, which you also fill out yourself
  3. Owner retention of salvage vehicle
    • REG 481, which your insurance company completes & sends to the DMV
  4. Brake & light inspection (to make sure it meets road safety standards)
    • Certificates are printed & given to you by the inspecting shop
  5. Full vehicle inspection (again, safety & compliance)
    • REG 31, which is completed by DMV personnel only

Number 4 can be done by many authorized 3rd-party shops, most of which also do smog tests and such things, so they’re not hard to find. The rest are DMV forms, as noted above. (#5 can be done either by the DMV or by CHP; but, CHP has quite a narrow list of “accepted” vehicles which they’ll inspect for this purpose, and honestly their appointment “system” for trying to get them done is horrendous, so it’s easiest to let the DMV do it.) But again, what’s the order in which I should do these things? Well, let me tell you!

I’m trying!

First, you get that payout check from your insurance, and you get the repairs done. Then you take the car to a brake/light inspection place (#4 above), and get that “certificate” (much like a smog certificate, it’s an “official” record that says your vehicle passed this test). Actually, if the vehicle hasn’t been smog-checked recently, you probably need that too. Mine was just done in 2016 so it wasn’t necessary.

Ooh! Another database tie-in. Okay, we all know a car’s VIN is like the primary key of the DMV’s vehicle database, right? Plate#s you can change, but the VIN is etched in stone steel. But they’re largely sequential – so two 2000 Honda Accords are going to have mostly the same characters in their VINs, up to the last, say, 2-6 numbers (ish.. I’m nowhere near knowledgeable enough about the system, I’m just guessing based on my observation of what happened to me). So when the paperwork comes back from the insurance, it ends up with the wrong VIN, off by 3 #s at the end. But I don’t realize this until I check with the DMV as I’m filing the accident report. Also, you can use online services to look up a VIN and find the basic info about it, but again, because I had such similar VINs (my correct one, and the insurance’s one from the papers), both turned up the same descriptions, down to the body style and trim level (4 door sedan, LX, if you’re curious). The only way we actually found the mistake was that the DMV was looking up “ownership” info based on the VIN, and when the agent read me the name on file, I was like “whodat?”, since it wasn’t me or my father, and then I went back to my pinkslip and checked it there, as well as on the car’s door-panel.

The lesson here is, always double-check your VIN when filing paperwork, especially with the DMV. Moving on.

STOP adding redundant words to acronyms phrases!

Before you go further, you need to actually make sure that the insurance and/or the salvage yard has officially notified the DMV of the vehicle being a “total loss”. (See #3 in the list.) In my case, they hadn’t – it had only been a month (between the actual payout and the first time I went to the DMV). So I have to check again before I go back.

But, since I was there, I made the DMV agent answer all my questions and specify exactly what I needed to do to complete this process, and the order in which to do it. Which is why I’m now writing this and sharing with you!

Once that notification is done, the DMV will have record of the vehicle being a “total loss”, or “salvage”. Then you can make a new DMV appointment, go in, and get #5 and #1-2 done all at the same time, in that order. I.e., go to the “inspection” or “inspector” side first, have them do the inspection and fill out the form (REG 31). Then go to the appointment line and take all your paperwork to the agent that calls you. So that’s your “inspection-passed” form (REG 31), your salvage title form (REG 343), your salvage certificate form (REG 488c), and your brake & light certificates. If you have a copy of the insurance co’s REG 481, might as well bring that too! You also need your license plates – you have to “surrender” them, which means turn them in and get new ones (not that same day, obviously – I think they still mail them to the DMV and you have to go pick them up… but I’ll find out soon).

Life on the edge, man!

Finally, to add a little icing on this crap-cake. I was driving the Hyundai to work, literally the next day, and I got rear-ended by another driver who wasn’t paying attention at a red-light. Again, super low speed, minor damage, but, another visit to the body shop for that poor black Elantra, and another week with a rental car. (Hyundai Santa Fe this time, which is actually quite nice, and if we need a small/mid SUV in the future, I’d definitely consider it; but due to my commute, we swapped for another Ford Fusion, this time the hybrid model, which again, I enjoyed, but the wife did not. Hey, you win some, you lose some.)

Frankly, 95% of Google image search results for “crap cake” were gross and offensive, but this one was almost cute.

So that’s the story of how we totaled two cars (and damaged one car twice) in less than 4 months.

And that’s the reason I’m now taking a van-pool at least 2 days a week.

I’d always been a fairly safe & cautious driver, but I’ll admit, this long commute had turned me into a bit of a road-rager. Impatient would be the polite term. After all this, I’m back to my old cautious slow & steady ways… for the most part. I still get little flashes of panic when I go by the intersection where the Mazda wreck happened, and I’m always reminding the wife to stay cool and drink her water. She’s never had that happen before, and never felt like it since, so I’m sure it was a one-time fluke, but still.. the DMV wants her to re-test to get her license back, even after her doctors cleared her to drive. That’s a whole other topic, for another time. I will note that none of these incidents were due to cell-phone use, so at least we’re not guilty of that particular vice.


Thanks for reading!

Now, go out there and DRIVE SAFE.

Who Am I?

…and why I love what I do.

I started out as a data analyst, first playing in MS Access, and quickly moving to MS SQL Server. I also became a developer in the ASP.NET stack, way back in the 2.0 days (2006-07). Yet I found myself drawn to the data more than the code, for some reason. Perhaps it was the beautiful simplicity of the relational model. Or the myriad of variations that something as simple as an name field could contain & how challenging it could be to massage that “dirty data” into something elegant and consistent for the code to easily manage and present to the user. Or it could have been the thrill of analyzing a workload that may have taken several minutes to run, and then, by applying the right combination of indexes, relations, and set-logic, to bring that workload down to milliseconds.

This job was great. First “real” job out of college; a teeny-tiny software shop, 4 devs & the boss, working with K-12 school districts, making their lives just a bit easier when dealing with the vast swath of standardized testing and government-imposed student performance metrics that ultimately decided how they taught & how they got funded. And we grew, slowly but surely – 5 devs, then 6, then 8. We got to wear so many hats! Developer, Data Analyst, Helpdesk, Tech Support; even Printer, Delivery Crew, Trainer. It was truly a well-rounded experience.

As the years went by, it felt like family. And sure, every family has the occasional episode of dysfunction. But we were in it together, building up the business with passion, commitment, and respect. And those of us that were there since the start, we felt like we knew it all. Because we did; in that little microcosm, we truly were the experts. And each of us had a forte – I was the “data guy”, he was the “self-taught developer”, she was the “tech-evangelist / UX dev”, and he was the “dev architect”. Our best hire came soon after – the “young enthusiastic developer”, a true professional. Then there was our den-mother, bringer of snacks, paycheck-writer and book-keeper extraordinaire. And as always, the father-figure – the big kahuna, the boss man, who was more than willing to get his hands dirty and help with anything we asked him to.

That was a wonderful experience. In the near-decade I spent with that company and those colleagues, many of whom I consider my friends, I learned so much about technology, programming, databases, and business. And we welcomed more and more people into the family – the graphics & print-media design expert, the bright & cheery project manager, the ambitious salesperson, the kind & caring tier 1 support staff, the new data analyst, the veteran DB-dev, the expert architect, the UI/UX dev, the student dev, and even the Russian programmer! (They’re amazing, BTW.) Each & every one of them added value, and taught me something new.

I do not regret a single day of it. It was awesome.

But, as the baby bird has to eventually leave the nest, I needed to venture out, to get outside my comfort zone and see what else was out there, to join a new & different team and environment, to see if I was truly as good as I thought I was. Well, I think we all know the answer to that! (Hint: it’s “nope”.)

Actually, it’s been great – I drank from the proverbial fire-hose, learned a lot in a short time about a completely new line of business & a familiar but larger & much more complex tech stack & environment. So in general, I’m actually enjoying not being “the go-to guy” for every little problem that happens with the database.

And you know what else I discovered? I am pretty darn good at what I do. That’s a good feeling!

But I’m still the DBA. (Technically, one of two, but the other DBA is the company’s old-time-guru-turned-part-time-consultant). So in a sense, being that “go-to guy” hasn’t gone away, it’s just gotten much more manageable – there’s a larger organization of people around me that can help in many different ways. Whether it’s the old-timers with that tribal knowledge of all the hidden rules and nuances of the business, or the SysAdmin who can whip out a PowerShell script in less time than it takes to say “automation”, or the domain expert that can pinpoint exactly why something is broken because they literally “wrote the book” on that problem-space. So it’s really cool.

Plus, it gives me the space and the time to focus on getting really good at DBA stuff – performance tuning, report automation, data integrity, change management, backup/recovery, data security, all that jazz. I’m looking forward to really earning that “Senior DBA” badge – because even though that’s my title, I still recognize that I have a lot to learn. The landscape is constantly evolving – 5 years ago, this whole “Cloud” business was virtually (yes, that is a pun) unheard of; now it’s all anybody talks about. I “grew up” in an on-prem (that’s short for on-premises) Windows + SQL Server + IIS world; but now I’ve got my fingers on AWS instances (both EC2 and RDS), MongoDBs, a SSAS data warehouse, even a sprinkling of MySQL and Azure. Not to mention dozens of SQL Servers spread over 3 offices plus a data-center, and a ridiculously slick converged infrastructure platform called a “VxBlock”. The technology world just keeps getting bigger, better, faster, smarter.

And honestly, that’s why I love what I do.

Written with StackEdit.


Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for more!

Picture mid-2006. A fresh college graduate, BS in Computer Engineering. That’s half hardware, half software. Maybe more like 40-60. Not Comp Sci, though looking back, that might have been a little smarter. I learned a bunch about hardware and embedded systems that I will probably never use in my life. But hey, I can probably solder a capacitor to a circuit board without completely frying both it and my fingers!

So I had some education, but not much practical experience… none, really. But luckily enough, I found a job, in my home town, and started my journey! From data-analyst to programmer to database administrator and beyond, it was a wild ride. The technology space is a fascinating, painful, exciting, crushing, inspiring, challenging, awesome field to work in – and yes, those were oxymorons.

Anyway. Enough waxing dramatic for one post. Stay tuned for more about me! (Sure, it sounds self-centered, but isn’t that exactly what a blog is?)

But seriously. Thank you for reading and please do come back to visit. I promise I’ll attempt to entertain, inform, and intrigue. Or at least one of those.

Until next time!

Written with StackEdit.